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[donnell]

I received the following question from Alessandra;

Dear Donnell, I read your article on soul mate and i love it. However in society today there are some women that are strong willed. They are willing to submit but are very strong and focused. How can women such as these maintain their character while still not trying to seem unsubmissive or over confident?



Alessandra, this is a good question. It can also be a trap question. So before I fall into the trap, I have shared it with my father on earth and my Father in heaven. Between the two of them, I'll get this right. I'm also reading a book on "The Successful Family" which explains this in detail. Nonetheless, let's start with The Bible. If you want to please The Lord then do what He says. When you obey Him, you will have His support in all that you do and you will have a right to ask Him to intervene in every situation.

Ephesians 5:21-33(AMP) - Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, Because we are members (parts) of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church. However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].


Here's what my father says;

A thorough understanding of submission is necessary. The essence of submission is support like what the legs of a table do to the top. It does not mean control of the legs by the top but collaboration between the two to make the table a whole unit. If the top is the man and the legs the woman then it's both people together that make the family. You see legs standing by themselves are of no real useful function neither is the top sitting on the ground by itself. The legs contribute lift and sustenance of height to the top and the top holds the legs together and gives them significance as part of the table. Using this as a take off point you can study the structure of a table in detail and compare and contrast it with the essence of the marriage relationship - Eph 5:21-32.

Thank you dad for your wisdom. Let me add something I observed in the scripture.

Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.

Based on this scripture, submission ultimately is between the wife and The Lord. So what The Bible really says is that a wife really submits to God when she submits to her husband. When a Christian wife chooses not to submit to her husband, God considers it as an offense to Him and not to her husband because God gave the instruction. Western society doesn't change what The Lord requires. It just changes what the word "submission" means so it scares women into disobeying God and screwing up their marriages. It also causes men to have false expectations of "submission" so they screw up their marriages too.

The Lord still knows what's best for us. Let's obey His Word. As a service to The Lord, He asks His daughter to adapt herself to His son that she's married to. He also asks His son to love His daughter like she was his own body. So a husband loving his wife is really loving God. When a husband does not love his wife, God takes it as an offense to Him and not His daughter. That's not good. We don't want to offend God because if He responds, we won't like it. Like the table in my father's illustration, the husband covers his wife and holds her together while the wife uplifts her husband.


Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT) - Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Jeremiah 17:5(NIV) - This is what the LORD says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD.


God doesn't care if your husband is the most arrogant, self-centered, cocky, "wannabe" Don Juan on the planet, you don't submit because he earned it, you submit because God said to. God doesn't care if a man's wife is the most selfish, greedy, ignorant, "wannabe" diva in the Western Hemisphere, He expects the man to love his wife with all of his heart.

When God judges us, He bases it on His instructions to us. Did we do what He said to us? Yes or no! When we obey Him we can call on Him to intervene. A woman who submits can ask The Lord to break in and straighten her husband out. A man who loves can ask The Lord to get a hold of his wife's heart. Do what God says and let Him fight your battles.

Matthew 19:11(MSG) - But Jesus said, "Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it."


God doesn't like excuses. It's an excuse when a woman says, Lord I would submit if my husband would just love me. It's also an excuse when a man says, Lord I would love my wife if she would just submit. If she knows ahead of time that she cannot adapt or be submissive to God's son she has the choice not to marry him. That way, she wouldn't have to disobey her Father in heaven. If God's son is not prepared to love God's daughter and give his life for her, he can choose not to marry her. Marriage is a choice in Western society and people need to remember that.

The basic premise of the entire thing is that God sees marriage as a mirror of the relationship between Christ and The Church. What we expect of Christ, God expects of husbands. Even though we never live up to God's standards, Jesus Christ still loves us. What He expects of The Church, He expects of wives. The Bible is very clear. We don't need to over-analyze it. It's not supposed to be easy. If it was easy, everyone would do it and people would stay married.

However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].